Welcome to TalkingItOut.org—an AI-assisted effort to give everyday people a clearer, safer way through person-to-person (P2P) conflict. Conflict can feel like a dark hole in human interaction without a strategy and without a simple map to follow, people often resort to blame, defensiveness, escalation, silence, or even violence. Too often, we teach children math, reading, and technology, but not how to face another person in conflict without losing themselves—or harming the relationship.
PeaceDNA is an attempt to help change that. It offers a practical framework for understanding conflict from the inside before it spirals: what conditions are present, what each person’s point of view (POV) profile is, and what remedy could move both people toward peaceful agreement. This is not a theory for a classroom shelf but a street, office, family, and real-life knowledge. It’s a checklist of what to say with a simple goal: make conflict resolution easier to understand, easier to practice, and easier to pass on.
The process is built to create every opportunity for empathy to grow in the listener while giving the speaker something many people in conflict desperately need: the chance to be fully heard, fully understood, and fully spoken aloud.
That matters. When a person can safely speak their point of view with clarity, dignity, and emotional truth, something begins to shift. The listener is no longer facing an enemy, an accusation, or a problem to defeat. They are facing a human being. This is the power of Step 2: POV Positions.
By enriching empathy at this stage, in this Step, PeaceDNA prepares both people for the next movement: Remedy. This is home to the final 2 Guiding Questions (GQ). Time for the conversation to turn from pain toward possibility. Find what can help? Find what can repair? Find a way to help. What can make this better?
It is here, in Remedy, that Step 2 enhanced empathy may manifest compassion, not simply understanding another person’s experience, but becoming willing to help relieve it.
This blog is a lot of information to take in, plus it’s kind of deep, like a ‘rabbit hole.’ Consider reading slower, pausing to reflect on particular concepts that grab your attention. Consider them deeply, learn what’s there, add your perspective, and share your thoughts with everyone else connected in the comments. Be kind.
The cost of this knowledge is nothing more than your attention. No registration. No obligation. No strings attached. Nothing to ‘get’ later. It’s all here: the full PeaceDNA and basic skills set. Just read, reflect, use what helps, and if you find value here, please pay it forward. This is not a fast, easy read, so take some time and go slowly. Study.
-Definitions
Many theories and methods are built on assumptions about the meanings of basic words and terms and how they fit together. They often promote the same thing but in different ways, and then argue or take exception. Such assumptions can easily create resistance, arguments, and unhealthy distraction. PeaceDNA begins by putting us all on the same page with Definitions. This is most certainly not trivial. Bypass at your own peril.
-PeaceDNA: An Elegant Model
PeaceDNA is a step-by-step model/map/recipe that clearly lays out the bare-bones elements required to consistently achieve 100% potential in P2P-conflict resolution. To achieve a peace agreement, there are steps to take. Essential, strict with nothing added and nothing omitted. Also, PeaceDNA includes a three-skill set for working with each fundamental element. It all follows a natural-language GQ script.
-FOUL Buster
A FOUL is any act, word, or effort intended to hurt, harm, or intimidate. Name-calling, put-downs, threats, and physical violence are all FOULs. Regardless of their form, it is the intention that defines a FOUL, not the act. Remember, it’s the intention. FOUL Buster is a peaceful verbal ‘trick’/technique to effectively address non-physical/dangerous FOULs with a respectful line of questions.
-Kanji Listening
A comprehensive and directed way to listen not just with the ears that hear tone and spoken words, but also with the eyes, mind, attention, and heart. Together, this grouping of symbols, called Kanji (in Japanese), enables a listener to understand and respond appropriately with PeaceDNA accuracy. Moreover, Kanji Listening means completing a POV survey (ears), building a POV profile (mind), and catching the POV cues (attention). Also, it means listening for FOULs and understanding of a POV story to the point where empathy manifests to some noticeable degree.
-Rephrase for ‘Yes’
Asking a respectful question starting with the words “Are you saying…(rephrase)?” or “Do you mean…(Rephrase)?” compels listening, thinking, and ultimately, agreement. This agreement comes in the answer “yes” and opens the door for cooperation (even if unwittingly) . A cornerstone of peacemaking, agreement can be easily created despite opposing positions. It’s a way to engage the speaker in listening and thinking.
-Examples for Self & Others
Follow along as PeaceDNA is applied to example P2P-conflicts between you and another (self-mediation) and between two others (street mediation). While the PeaceDNA map is the same for both, with the same landmarks, the routes differ slightly.
-Join the Conversation
Have thoughts or questions? Share your perspective and help others learn from your experience and knowledge. Together, we can build the peace education that we so desperately need.
-Contact & About
My name is Dan Stratton, and I’ve based PeaceDNA design on my 45 years of peacemaking & mediation experience, including 10 years as Director of the Peace Education program at the Peace Learning Center (PLC) in Indianapolis, IN. I am also a Black belt & Sensei and teach a non-violent self-defense called Safe Defense available at: BullysDojo.com. Again, there’s no cost involved. Check it out.
PeaceDNA is the foundation of Safe Defense and, along with its optional add-on companion Peace Moves, provides a system of True self-defense with ‘just out of reach’ movement adapted from Kosho-Shorie Kenpo (B. Juchnik & T. Mitose). Together, these two distinct but effective skills (PeaceDNA & Peace Moves) create a Safe Defense that allows you to protect yourself without injuring your attacker. A True self-defense.
If you need help resolving a P2P-conflict or want to collaborate? Reach out to Daniel@TalkingItOut.org, and I’ll respond as soon as possible. Let’s make this an exciting time for Conflict Resolution in the USA.