FACILITATOR CURRICULUM
PeaceDNA + Safe Defense
FOUL Buster • Rephrase for Yes • Kanji Listening
| Recommended format: Five sessions of 45–55 minutes, taught on different days. A three-hour half-day version is included for settings with only one meeting. |
Audience: Small groups of late teens, approximately ages 16–19
Group size: 6–12 learners, with one trained adult facilitator
Purpose: Help teens slow down verbal conflict, listen accurately, defend themselves without counterattacking, and choose safer next steps.
The deeper idea
Each skill changes a different part of the same conflict loop. Kanji Listening changes attention. Rephrase for Yes changes understanding into a checkable question. The FOUL Buster changes a verbal attack into a question about the real Conflict Problem. Together they can create enough space for choice—but they cannot make another person cooperate.
| Safety boundary: These skills are for situations where peaceful engagement is reasonably possible. They are not instructions to stay near violence, abuse, coercive control, credible threats, weapons, stalking, or severe intoxication. Leaving, getting help, or calling emergency services may be the safest response. |
Recommendation: Short Sessions or a Half Day?
Use the five-session plan whenever you can. Late teens may understand the words quickly, but using them under stress requires repetition, feedback, and time between practices. Short sessions also let learners try one skill in ordinary life and return with questions.
| Format | Best use | Strengths | Limits |
| Five short sessions | Schools, youth programs, clubs, ongoing groups | Spacing improves memory; lower emotional load; each skill gets practice; easier reflection and repair. | Requires reliable attendance and staff time across several days. |
| One half day | Retreats, staff-development days, one-time programs | Efficient; skills are experienced as one connected system; easier scheduling. | Fatigue rises; less time for real-life testing; role-play may create false confidence. |
Recommended five-session sequence
| Session | Focus | Time |
| 1 | Safety, Conditions, and the conflict loop | 45 min |
| 2 | Kanji Listening: attention before judgment | 50 min |
| 3 | Rephrase for Yes: check understanding | 50 min |
| 4 | FOUL Buster: defend without a counter-FOUL | 55 min |
| 5 | Integration, transfer, and assessment | 55 min |
Facilitator stance
- Teach skills as options, not moral tests. A learner may choose silence, distance, help, or exit.
- Do not force personal disclosure, apologies, eye contact, touch, or reconciliation.
- Use fictional, low-stakes scenarios before real conflicts. Let learners pass or observe.
- Separate observable Facts, internal Feelings, and Beliefs about meaning or intention.
- Correct wording without shaming. A clumsy first attempt is part of learning.
Learning goals
By the end, learners should be able to:
- Name when Conditions are safe enough to talk—and when to pause, leave, or seek help.
- Listen for Facts, Feelings, and Beliefs without treating an interpretation as proven fact.
- Offer a short, neutral rephrase that the speaker can confirm or correct.
- Respond to a non-dangerous verbal FOUL with a question that seeks the underlying Problem.
- Combine the three skills without using them to corner, diagnose, or control another person.
Core Language for Learners
| Term | Plain-language meaning |
| Conditions | Whether people are willing, ready, and reasonably able to address the Problem peacefully. |
| Conflict Problem | The issue the people need to address—not the people themselves. |
| Facts | What could be observed, heard, recorded, or checked. |
| Feelings | A person’s internal emotional experience. |
| Beliefs | The meaning, assumption, judgment, expectation, or conclusion a person gives the Facts. |
| FOUL | In PeaceDNA, an act intended to hurt, harm, intimidate, humiliate, or compel. Harmful effect matters, but intention may be uncertain. |
| Guiding Question | A question that helps explore Conditions, Conflict Positions, or Remedy. |
| Important distinction: A statement about another person’s intention—“You did that to embarrass me”—is usually a Belief unless intention has been established. Naming it as a Belief does not make it unimportant or false. It keeps the claim open to careful checking. |
The three-skill connection
- Kanji Listening: make room to receive the speaker’s message.
- Rephrase for Yes: test whether you received it accurately.
- FOUL Buster: when a verbal attack blocks dialogue, ask a safe question that looks beneath it.
The sequence is not rigid. A FOUL Buster question still requires listening. A rephrase may reveal a hidden Feeling or Belief. Listening may show that Conditions are no longer safe enough to continue.
Session 1 — Safety, Conditions, and the Conflict Loop
Time: 45 minutes | Goal: Learners decide when dialogue is a reasonable option and distinguish Facts, Feelings, and Beliefs.
Materials
- Three signs: TALK, PAUSE, EXIT/GET HELP
- Scenario cards
- Paper or shared board
Lesson flow
| Minutes | Activity |
| 0–5 | Welcome and choice: learners may participate, observe, or pass. State the safety boundary. |
| 5–12 | Teach the conflict loop: event → meaning → feeling/response → next event. Explain that slowing one link can change what follows. |
| 12–22 | Facts, Feelings, Beliefs sort. Example: “He looked away” (Fact); “I felt dismissed” (Feeling); “He thinks I’m stupid” (Belief). Discuss uncertain cases. |
| 22–34 | Conditions corners. Read scenarios; learners move or point to TALK, PAUSE, or EXIT/GET HELP, then explain what information shaped the choice. |
| 34–41 | Pairs write one Guiding Question: “Are we willing and reasonably able to talk about this peacefully right now?” |
| 41–45 | Exit check: one sign that supports talking; one sign that means pause or leave. |
Scenario cards
- A friend is annoyed, speaking normally, and agrees to talk after practice.
- Someone is insulting you, blocking the doorway, and refusing to let you leave.
- Both people are yelling, but they agree to take ten minutes apart.
- A group chat argument continues while one person posts threats and a photo of a weapon.
Debrief questions
- What changed your choice: tone, distance, power, privacy, threat, or willingness?
- Can a conversation be emotionally uncomfortable and still reasonably safe?
- Who gets to decide whether you stay? Each person decides for themself.
Session 2 — Kanji Listening
Time: 50 minutes | Goal: Learners listen to understand before deciding what they think.
| Learner prompt: “Can I understand this person’s Point of View before deciding what I think about it?” |
PeaceDNA uses “Kanji Listening” as a memorable name for whole-attention listening. Present the term as PeaceDNA teaching language, not proof that a written character scientifically guarantees a special kind of listening.
The deeper connection
Listening is not agreement, obedience, or silence. It is disciplined information gathering. Attention helps the listener notice spoken words, emotion, timing, and observable body language. The meaning of body language remains a Belief until checked. Looking away, for example, might mean disrespect, fear, concentration, cultural habit, or something else.
Lesson flow
| Minutes | Activity |
| 0–6 | Reset and safety reminder. One-minute silent noticing: sounds, posture, breath, and distractions. |
| 6–13 | Mini-lesson: Facts, Feelings, and Beliefs are three different listening targets. |
| 13–23 | Listening interference demo. Partner A tells a harmless 60-second story. Partner B first plans a reply, then repeats with full attention. Compare what was remembered. |
| 23–36 | Three-channel notes. In triads: speaker, listener, observer. Listener records one Fact, one stated Feeling, and one Belief—without guessing. |
| 36–44 | Switch roles. Observer watches for interruption, advice, mind-reading, and real curiosity. |
| 44–50 | Debrief and personal cue: each learner chooses a reset phrase such as “Receive first” or “What am I missing?” |
Observer checklist
- Did the listener let the speaker finish?
- Did the listener ask rather than assume?
- Did the listener separate a visible signal from its possible meaning?
- Did the listener avoid giving advice before understanding?
Practice lines
- “What happened next?”
- “How did that affect you?”
- “What did you believe that meant?”
- “Is there a part I am missing?”
Session 3 — Rephrase for Yes
Time: 50 minutes | Goal: Learners reflect a message in question form so the speaker can honestly confirm or correct it.
| Formula: “Are you saying that ______?” Keep the speaker’s meaning. Do not add a diagnosis, exaggeration, accusation, or solution. |
The deeper connection
A “Yes” creates a small, accurate point of agreement: the listener understood the speaker’s account. It does not prove that every claim inside the account is factually true. A correction is also success because it improves understanding. The aim is dialogue, not extracting compliance.
Lesson flow
| Minutes | Activity |
| 0–7 | Warm-up: facilitator gives three rephrases—accurate, exaggerated, and mind-reading. Group names the difference. |
| 7–15 | Teach the formula and three rules: short, neutral, faithful. |
| 15–25 | Rephrase ladder. Learners turn statements into questions, beginning with low-stakes topics. |
| 25–38 | Pairs practice speaker → rephrase → yes/correction → improved rephrase. Switch after three rounds. |
| 38–45 | Self-defense use: practice receiving an accusation without accepting it as fact. |
| 45–50 | Exit performance: each learner completes one accurate rephrase or explains what would make one inaccurate. |
Examples
| Speaker says | Useful rephrase | Why it works |
| “You never include me.” | “Are you saying you felt left out when we made the plan without checking with you?” | Changes an absolute accusation into a checkable experience without arguing. |
| “You embarrassed me on purpose.” | “Do you believe I meant to embarrass you when I said that in front of everyone?” | Confirms the belief about intention without calling it a proven fact. |
| “I’m fine.” | “Are you saying you do not want to talk about it right now?” | Checks the practical message and respects a boundary. |
Common errors
- Parroting every word instead of reflecting the meaning.
- Adding “calm down,” advice, or a hidden argument.
- Turning the question into a trap: “So you admit…?”
- Chasing “yes” after the speaker says no. Use the correction and try once more—or pause.
Session 4 — FOUL Buster
Time: 55 minutes | Goal: Learners respond to a non-dangerous verbal FOUL without launching a counter-FOUL.
| Basic move: Pause. Check safety. Ask a question about the Problem beneath the attack. Example: “What happened that led you to see me that way?” |
The deeper connection
The FOUL Buster protects two things at once: the person’s dignity and the possibility of dialogue. It does not require accepting the label or proving the speaker wrong. It turns attention from “What name did you call me?” toward “What Problem are you trying—poorly—to communicate?”
Because intention is often uncertain, facilitators should avoid declaring every rude statement a FOUL. Address the words, impact, safety, and Problem without pretending to read the speaker’s mind.
Lesson flow
| Minutes | Activity |
| 0–8 | Safety sorting: Which lines invite a FOUL Buster, a pause, or immediate help? |
| 8–17 | Model: insult → breath/distance check → short question → listen → rephrase if useful. |
| 17–27 | Question workshop. Replace counterattacks with Problem-seeking questions. |
| 27–43 | Triad practice: speaker, responder, safety coach. Use fictional mild FOULs only; switch roles. |
| 43–50 | Add a boundary: “I’ll talk about the Problem, but I won’t stay for name-calling.” |
| 50–55 | Exit choice: state when you would question, pause, set a boundary, leave, or get help. |
FOUL Buster question bank
- “What happened that led you to say that?”
- “What is the Problem you want me to understand?”
- “Are you saying you believe I ignored you?”
- “What do you want me to do differently?”
- “Can we talk about the Problem without calling each other names?”
Do not use it as a script shield
A clever question cannot make an unsafe person safe. If the person escalates, crowds you, threatens harm, blocks movement, or will not respect a pause, stop practicing dialogue and use the safest available exit or support.
Session 5 — Integration and Transfer
Time: 55 minutes | Goal: Learners choose and combine the skills based on what the moment requires.
Lesson flow
| Minutes | Activity |
| 0–8 | Review: attention → accuracy check → Problem-seeking defense. Ask where Conditions fit: before and throughout. |
| 8–15 | Facilitator models one imperfect attempt. Learners identify the turning point and suggest a repair. |
| 15–37 | Scenario rounds. Triads receive a conflict card and choose a skill. The observer may call “pause” for safety or a wording reset. |
| 37–46 | Redo round. Repeat the same scenario with one improvement. Compare the effect. |
| 46–52 | Personal transfer plan: one cue, one sentence, one support person, one exit option. |
| 52–55 | Post-check and closing: skill is measured by safe choices and accurate use—not by forcing peace. |
Integration scenarios
- A teammate says, “You’re selfish—you never pass,” after a close game.
- A friend says you shared a private message. You believe someone else forwarded it.
- A coworker at an after-school job says, “You’re lazy,” after you switch tasks without explaining.
- A group-chat disagreement moves into public insults; one person asks to talk privately tomorrow.
Possible integrated response
“I want to understand the Problem, but I’m not going to trade insults. Are you saying you believed I left you doing all the work when I switched tasks?”
This one response sets a boundary, seeks the Problem, and offers a Rephrase for Yes. Kanji Listening is what the learner must do next.
Transfer plan
- My early warning sign that I am reacting: __________
- My attention-reset cue: __________
- My safest useful question: __________
- A person I can ask for support: __________
- A sign that means I should leave or get help: __________
Half-Day Alternate Curriculum
Total time: 3 hours, including one 10-minute break. Use this only when multiple meetings are not possible. Keep emotional intensity low and explain that one exposure is an introduction, not mastery.
| Time | Block | Purpose |
| 0:00–0:15 | Welcome, choice, and Conditions | Set boundaries; introduce TALK, PAUSE, EXIT/GET HELP. |
| 0:15–0:35 | Core language | Sort Facts, Feelings, and Beliefs; map the conflict loop. |
| 0:35–1:05 | Kanji Listening | Attention demo and triad listening practice. |
| 1:05–1:15 | Break | Movement, water, and private check-in option. |
| 1:15–1:45 | Rephrase for Yes | Model, ladder practice, and corrections. |
| 1:45–2:20 | FOUL Buster | Safety sort, question bank, boundaries, and triads. |
| 2:20–2:48 | Integration | Scenario rounds and one redo. |
| 2:48–3:00 | Assessment and transfer | Exit plan, support person, and take-home practice. |
Half-day adjustments
- Use only two role-play rotations per skill. More is not always better when learners are tired.
- Offer an observer role throughout. Do not require learners to play the attacker.
- Schedule a 15-minute follow-up within two weeks if possible. Without follow-up, label the event an introduction.
- Give each learner a one-page prompt card or photo-ready summary of the three skills.
Assessment Without Shaming
Use observation, self-reflection, and one brief performance. Do not grade whether the other person calmed down; that outcome is not fully under the learner’s control.
| Skill | Beginning | Developing | Ready to practice independently |
| Safety/Conditions | Treats talking as required. | Can name some warning signs or boundaries. | Chooses talk, pause, exit, or help based on Conditions and explains why. |
| Kanji Listening | Interrupts, advises, or assumes meaning. | Waits and identifies some message parts. | Separates Facts, Feelings, and Beliefs and checks uncertain meaning. |
| Rephrase for Yes | Adds judgment or tries to win. | Mostly accurate but long or leading. | Offers a short neutral question and accepts correction. |
| FOUL Buster | Counterattacks or debates the label. | Asks about the Problem but misses safety or boundary needs. | Checks safety, asks a Problem-seeking question, and changes course if escalation continues. |
Pre/post prompts
- When someone insults me, what choices do I have?
- How can I tell a Fact from a Belief about intention?
- What makes a rephrase accurate rather than manipulative?
- When should I stop trying to talk?
Facilitator evidence
- Learner makes a safer choice even if no dialogue occurs.
- Learner repairs a poor question after feedback.
- Learner recognizes that understanding is not agreement.
- Learner avoids claiming certainty about another person’s intention.
Facilitator Scenario Bank
| Level | Scenario | Best teaching target |
| Low | A friend is 20 minutes late and says, “It’s not a big deal.” | Facts/Feelings/Beliefs; Rephrase for Yes. |
| Low | A teammate says, “You never listen to my ideas.” | Rephrase; Kanji Listening. |
| Moderate | A coworker says, “You’re useless,” after a rush. | FOUL Buster; boundary; Problem question. |
| Moderate | A friend says, “You posted that to embarrass me.” | Belief about intention; rephrase without admission. |
| Stop/exit | Someone blocks the door and says you cannot leave until you apologize. | Coercion; exit/help rather than dialogue practice. |
| Stop/help | An online threat includes a named place, time, or weapon. | Preserve evidence; tell a trusted adult/authority; do not mediate alone. |
Facilitator repair lines
- “Let’s separate what was observed from what we believe it meant.”
- “That question contains an accusation. Can we make it shorter and neutral?”
- “A correction is useful; try the rephrase again.”
- “The skill does not require you to remain in this situation.”
- “What choice protects safety and dignity right now?”
Red-Team Review
This review tests the curriculum from three different perspectives and builds the safeguards into the teaching plan.
Perspective 1: The educator
Concern: Three named skills and PeaceDNA vocabulary may become a memory exercise rather than usable behavior. Role-play performance can also reward confident speakers more than careful listeners.
Response: Teach one skill at a time, use repeat-and-redo rounds, allow observer roles, and score observable choices instead of personality. Keep definitions brief and return to the same Facts–Feelings–Beliefs distinction across all sessions.
Perspective 2: The trauma-informed safety reviewer
Concern: Conflict role-play can trigger learners, copy abusive language, or suggest that a targeted person owes an aggressor patient listening. Eye-contact expectations and public disclosure can also be unsafe or culturally narrow.
Response: Use fictional low-intensity scenarios first; permit pass, pause, and observation; ban slurs and personal attacks; never require eye contact, apology, reconciliation, or disclosure. Repeat that exit and help are successful Safe Defense choices. Establish the program’s reporting duties before inviting disclosures.
Perspective 3: The skeptic—including a resistant teen
Concern: The phrases may sound scripted, adult-controlled, or like a trick for making someone say yes. “Kanji Listening” could sound exoticized, and defining FOUL by intention creates uncertainty because intention cannot usually be observed directly. The FOUL designation is informed by Intuition, not guessing. There is also no guarantee these methods will de-escalate another person.
Response: Invite teens to rewrite questions in their own natural language while keeping the function. State that “yes” confirms understanding, not truth or surrender. Present Kanji Listening as PeaceDNA’s chosen teaching name and avoid unsupported language claims. When intention is unclear, name the words, effect, and safety concern without declaring motive. Measure the learner’s choices—not control over the other person.
Remaining risks to monitor
- A learner may use rephrasing sarcastically. The facilitator should check tone and purpose, not words alone.
- A person in authority may label disagreement a FOUL to silence criticism. Require the same Facts–Feelings–Beliefs discipline from adults.
- A “peaceful” agreement may hide pressure. Check that each person can disagree, pause, and leave without punishment.
- Cultural and neurodivergent differences affect speech, gaze, movement, and processing time. Do not make body language a lie detector.
One-Page Learner Summary
| First question: Are the Conditions safe enough for peaceful engagement? You may talk, pause, leave, or get help. |
Kanji Listening
Receive before deciding. Listen for Facts, Feelings, and Beliefs. Notice body language as a Fact, but check what it means.
Rephrase for Yes
Ask: “Are you saying that ___?” Keep it short, neutral, and faithful. A yes confirms understanding. A correction helps you understand better. Neither one proves the whole story true.
FOUL Buster
For a non-dangerous verbal attack, pause and ask about the real Problem: “Why would you say that?” Set a boundary if needed (“Stop”). If danger or coercion grows, leave or get help.
Remember
- Understanding is not agreement.
- A question is not a guarantee.
- You cannot force cooperation.
- Safety is more important than completing the process.
- Good Safe Defense protects choice, dignity, and the possibility of peace.