*Welcome
To control something, you must understand how it works. This blog presents that understanding for person-to-person (P2P) conflict resolution: PeaceDNA. It offers a “big picture” view of the entire process, with only the essential features marked. It is street/office/home practical from beginning to end. Finding Peace Agreement.
PeaceDNA is an AI-assisted framework designed to consistently guide people toward peaceful agreement. It focuses only on the essential ‘mission-critical’ elements, no more, and no less. The 3 Steps? Conditions, POV Positions, and Remedy. Pretty simple stuff.
You’re invited to explore this peace education “rabbit hole” with no obligation—no registration, no follow-up, no strings attached. The only cost is your attention (and, if you find value, please pay it forward by sharing). The goal is simplicity itself, and if this sparks new ideas for your own work, pass them on. This is intended as an entirely altruistic offering and resource.
Purpose of PeaceDNA
The core purpose of PeaceDNA is to define a clear path—through a sequence of Guiding Questions (GQs) that allows both sides of a conflict to feel safe enough to express their whole point of view (POV), without assumption, omission, or misunderstanding. Only after both POVs are fully shared and understood (and optionally rephrased 4Y) does the process move to and through Remedy.
Whether you’re resolving your own conflict or helping others as an informal (“hallway” or “street”) mediator, the same PeaceDNA path applies. It is supported by three simple skill sets:
- FOUL Buster
- Kanji Listening
- Rephrase for Yes (4Y)
Because the process is intentionally minimal, it remains simple and focused. Nothing is assumed, nothing is skipped, and every Step happens in the right order. Modeling ‘language’ calls it elegance with ecology. The entire PeaceDNA path consists of just three Steps and six guiding questions (GQ) designed to keep you oriented and on track.
Even outside of conflict, this knowledgeable approach to how things naturally fit together strengthens communication skills. Especially in conflicts or disagreements, or while listening to a friend, and even while listening to yourself. POV knowledge is powerful.
The PeaceDNA Framework
3 Steps/6 Guiding Questions
Step 1 – Conditions
GQ1: Are you ready and willing to resolve this conflict peacefully?
Step 2 – POV Positions
GQ2: What happened? (Facts)
GQ3: How did/does that feel? (Feelings)
GQ4: Why does it feel that way? (Beliefs & Opinions)
Step 3 – Remedy
GQ5: What do you want now as a remedy?
GQ6: What will you offer now as a remedy?
PeaceDNA is built on these six GQs, organized into three sequential steps: Conditions, Positions, and Remedy. Together, they form a universal framework for identifying the essential elements of P2P-Conflict and showing how each POV is built and connected, or where there are blind spots.
If willingness exists (Conditions), a path to Remedy becomes possible. If not, the peaceful outcome may have to be the ultimate acceptance of the situation as it is, or agreement to respectfully disagree, protest, or rely on more official advocates (legal, etc.).
Process Rules
PeaceDNA follows a strict sequence:
Step 1: Conditions
Gq #1
Step 2: POV Positions
Gq #2 Gq #3 Gq #4
Step 3: Remedy
Gq #5 Gq #6
Each step must be completed and remain unchanged before moving to the next. The Gqs within Step 2 mingle around and come out bit by bit. But each must be ultimately answered before moving on to Step 3. You simply follow the step-by-step recipe. If a FOUL occurs, the process pauses immediately. It cannot continue until willingness (Conditions) is restored and reconfirmed.
PeaceDNA Is More Than a Map
PeaceDNA provides understanding; it shows how conflict works and how its parts fit together. But like a map, it only guides; it does not move you. Progress requires action, and action begins with willingness and follows with Steps and GQs. Knowledge can make you a builder of that willingness.
Whether used for your own conflicts or to help others, PeaceDNA helps you understand where you are in the process and what to do next. It marks your location. It becomes actionable through three key skill sets:
- Rephrase for Yes – builds agreement, acceptance, and clarity
- FOUL Buster – interrupts breakdowns and restores focus
- Kanji Listening – listening with ears, eyes, heart, mind, and full attention
Together, these skills (presented in later Posts) are used either for your own conflicts or to help others. It’s a map. PeaceDNA helps you understand where you are in the process and what to do next. It becomes actionable through three key skill sets:
• Rephrase for Yes – builds agreement, acceptance, and clarity
• FOUL Buster – respectfully interrupts breakdowns and restores focus
• Kanji Listening – listening with ears, eyes, heart, mind, and full attention
Together, these skills move the process forward, uncover hidden assumptions (blind spots), clarify meaning, and reveal connections and hidden beliefs. This is the practical “magic” of PeaceDNA; it both guides you through conflict and helps you feel confident in how to proceed.
Why Definitions Matter
Before learning PeaceDNA, we must clarify our definitions so that language won’t be such a minefield for misunderstanding and disagreement. Many POVs persist because of unexamined assumptions, for example, on how to peacefully deal with conflict with AI design. What is it exactly, and so what? Our common assumptions are now holding us back from peacemaking knowledge advancement (in my opinion). To speak a safe & common Peace language, there needs to be a safe & common language, complete with clear, interconnected definitions.
What Is a Point of View (POV)?
A POV is not just a belief or opinion; it’s much more than that. It’s a temporary fixed mental Position made from 3 parts or elements: Facts, Feelings, and Beliefs/Opinions (Thoughts/Concepts). Any Position is a judgment made up of nothing but these three elements (spiritual aspects aside). Any human experience can be summed up, imagined, or fantasized into one of these three parts. It’s strict and without exception: Thoughts, Feelings, and Facts.
A POV, like a phantom, can change at the speed of thought, feeling, or action. A fully expressed POV is critical to understanding the ‘why’ of a situation and to creating empathy across all possible channels. Spoken out loud, it connects all the parts relative to the whole, even for the speaker.
This is the heart of PeaceDNA’s process. Both people feel heard and are somewhat naturally obligated to listen to the other’s POV (without interruption). By connecting each whole POV out loud, a more holistic understanding develops, even amid disagreement. This is the process situation, even before a compromise is considered in Step 3-Remedy.
If no agreement can be reached, the path directs your attention to where it should go: back down the path… backtracking, starting again with Conditions.
The Three Parts of a POV
- Facts
What is perceived externally—what is/was actually seen or heard. A third party could potentially witness it. If it literally happened, it’s a Fact. Spoken words, once said, are Facts, even if what they express is not. If it was said out loud, the words are Fact even if untrue. No future event is a Fact, not even the sun rising tomorrow is a belief. It hasn’t happened yet. Definitions are strict, as they should be. - Feelings
What is perceived internally—emotions and moods. Feelings are foundational because they shape the meaning of all things. We all perceive things and have feelings about them. Good or bad, safe or not, intuition or intention. They’re not things that anyone else can actually feel, so they are true but not Fact. Feelings are the meaning and intensity of our internal experience. Definitions are strict. - Beliefs & Opinions (B&O)
To make it brief, anything conceptual is B&O. This includes any Thought, Judgment, Opinion, or Belief of any kind. And this includes any future event. It’s the mind thinking. All concepts, all words, and all ideas no matter where they come from, are B&O. If it’s a non-Fact & non-Feeling, then it’s B&O. Definitions are strict.
Important clarification:
Anything about the future, even if likely or inevitable, is still treated as B&O solely because it’s a thought. It’s a concept, not a Fact and not a Feeling. The future can’t be because it hasn’t happened yet. The POV rules are strict. Use your imagination (B&O).
Also, the Gqs are only numbered (#2, #3, & #4) to identify them, not to put them in any order. They are cardinal. They can be asked in any order: partially, back & forth, stop-and-go, or in any way that flows naturally with the speaker. Remember that they only point the way. All 3 elements must be spoken aloud by both people before moving to PeaceDNA Step 3-Remedy. Rephrasing 4Y is highly recommended to close out each POV before closing it.
What Is a P2P-Conflict Problem?
A P2P-Problem exists when one person wants something from another and believes it is being withheld or denied. When two such problems meet, a P2P-Conflict emerges. Even if the problems are unrelated, when they meet, a P2P-Conflict arises. Even if defending yourself (Problem #1) against a FOULer (with a Problem #2) who blames you, it can still qualify as a P2P Conflict. An aggressor without a “Problem” (such as a Bully) is not, in the moment, a candidate for PeaceDNA (see Peace Moves at: BullysDojo.com).
A P2P Conflict Problem exists because someone feels something is being withheld, even if its as abstract as: a show of “respect’ or the ‘truth’, or something impossible. A P2P- Conflcit is when two such Problems meet. P2P-Conflict always has two sides, two POVs.And again, like the hidden side of a coin, there is more to be discovered.
All Problems have POV-based profile, even if imagined, temporary, or illogical. Expressing them clearly creates a narrative, a story. It builds empathy in the listener, and often leads the speaker to reconsider their own Position, having connected it out loud for the first time. This shift, this recognition of perspective, opens the door for empathy and its expression: compassion. This is addressed timely in Step 3 – Remedy.
Key points:
- Problems can be silent, indirect, or expressed as indifference. Look and Kanji Listen for and fill the POV profile.
- Any FOUL can create a qualified Problem of self-protection. Self-defense, to any degree, usually starts as a P2P-conflict, with both problems stemming from the FOULer.
- Wanting to be left alone, to feel safe, or be trusted, even to feel understood all are qualified Problems.
- Problems can be impossible, inappropriate, emotional, or entirely made up.
Until POVs are spoken aloud and fully interconnected, they remain incomplete. That is the part that the listener fills in for themselves. Also, not every problem has an immediate or solvable remedy. Some people simply need to feel heard and understood and have their POV validated.
What Is a FOUL?
A FOUL is any word/action intended to hurt, harm, or intimidate. Any expression of ill will or malice. Big or small, serious or trivial, it’s the intent that makes a FOUL, not the act. FOULs automatically engage a defensive or protective attention.
• Non-violent FOULs: insults, threats, mockery, sarcasm, put-downs
• Physical FOULs: shoves, punches, or any hands-on aggression
• Faux Fact FOULs: “Everybody knows…(FOUL)”, “You always…(FOUL)”
• Disowned/dodged FOULs: “just joking,” “just kidding.”
FOULs are person-focused, not problem-focused. (That’s how you can spot subtle ones.) Here are some key points concerning FOULs.
• A FOUL pauses the PeaceDNA process and requires returning to Step 1 (Conditions) & re-affirming with “yes” before returning to where left off.
• Violent FOULs are not candidates for PeaceDNA nor FOUL Buster. Violent FOULs are handled with Safe Defense and Peace Moves (BullysDojo.com).
• FOUL Buster is critical for de-escalation, and evaluating ultimate intentions toward you, especially after initial contact. Is there a chance for Peace or is it futile at this time? Is there an actual problem behind the FOUL? Why’d you FOUL? Is this a bully action?
• Non-violent word FOULs are handled with FOUL Buster.
FOUL + FOUL = Fight
Responding to a FOUL with another FOUL escalates problems into a fight. A fight of words and/or other non-violent FOULs is still a fight. Physical self-defense (fighting back) still means to FOUL intentionally, albeit justified by both God and Man’s law. If you choose to FOUL, own it. Do not hesitate or act ambiguously, especially when using self-defense (see Peace Moves at: BullysDojo.com).
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Faux Facts (FF) and Assumptions
Accusations and blaming (FOULs) are prevalent in heated P2P conflicts. They are often built on and supported by Fake Facts (Faux Facts). A Faux Fact is an Opinion claimed or assumed to be fact, when it is in fact not. It can shield a FOUL from the simple Foul Buster. A Faux Fact FOUL (FFF) is a mean-spirited claim & assumption presented as Fact:
• “Everyone thinks you’re ugly, you loser.” (FFF + Put-downs)
• “You’re really stupid, but I guess you’re the best your family has.” (FFF + Put down)
• “I know you did it on purpose.” (FFF + Accusation)
Whether true or not, judgments based on limited information are usually rushed and lead to cautious, albeit temporary, positions. Exploring the full POV often reveals new connections for the speaker and develops understanding, if not empathy, in the listener’s experience. (Reasons for the underlying problem can be most unexpected.)
In other words, FF FOULs are really Opinions claimed or (worse) assumed as Facts. They are not Facts, even if they are as true as any belief is. Rather than arguing the merits of the offense*, a peaceful direction can be taken by arguing on the merits of facts vs. opinions.
*adding “in your opinion…?” to a rephrase for yes: “Are you saying that in your opinion I’m (FOUL)?” After the ‘yes’ affirmation, the Faux Fact is exposed as only opinion and is therein vulnerable to the simple FOUL Buster.
What Is a Guiding Question (Gq)?
A Guiding Question is not like a standard question seeking a single answer. Its purpose is to guide your exploration, not to interrogate them. They’re a simple trick for translating the PeaceDNA map’s formality into informal language suitable for the speaker’s dialect.
For example, Gq #1 for Conditions (“Are you ready & willing to solve this Conflict peacefully?”) may be re-worded as:
• “Can you give peace a chance and honestly participate in telling your side of the story and listening to the other side with respect and without interrupting? This means no disrespectful words or actions, which are called FOULs. Both sides will each say what they want only after they’ve heard both sides. Can you agree?” (Get spoken “Yes” agreement).
• “Would you be cool if we stopped and listened to both sides before saying what we each want and will give to find a remedy? And can we do this without name-calling, put-downs, or other disrespectful behavior? Can we be honest when we speak and truly listen to the other side without interrupting? (Get spoken “Yes” agreement)
Another example of a functioning Gq would be to take POV Gq #2 for Facts (“What happened?”) and use it to practice digging for more fact-only information by re-wording it:
• “What’s up?”
• “When did this start?”
• “What happened before that?”
• “What did they/you say next?”
• “What did you actually hear or see?”
• “What was/is actually seen, heard, and felt?”
These are all potential spoken questions to satisfy the over-arching focus of our questioning (Gq #2) and our Kanji Listening awareness. All the different example Fact questions can be generalized by Gq #2: What happened?
*Gqs remind us what to explore, not how to word it. That choice is entirely up to the speaker. Say it the way it feels right. But when you think it, and you teach it, use the very same words verbatim. That preserves PeaceDNA integrity. Do not deviate from the map. The map is super simple; that’s the point and its power.
Important Note on Guiding Questions (Gqs)
Again, the scripted Gqs are not meant to be spoken verbatim; they are meant only to remind you what to ask about and how to mark progress. They are following a laid-out PeaceDNA path. They are thinking tools, not dialogue scripts. Feel free to use them as they are but also use your own words when asking for more. The PeaceDNA Gq simply “points” to what needs to be explored, connected, and understood.
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What Is a Rephrasing and Rephrasing 4 ‘Yes’ (4Y)?
A rephrase restates one’s meaning using different words. Unlike repetition with the same words, rephrasing reflects understanding and compels attention while listening, prompting agreement or disagreement. This trick is particularly powerful since what you are saying in your rephrase is directly related to what they had just said. It’s compelling.
Examples:
“I’m hungry and I want to eat.” → “You’re hungry and want to eat.” (Repeat)
“I’m hungry.” → “You’re ready to go get some food.” (Rephrase)
Repeating (not rephrasing) can come across as disingenuous, even mocking (a FOUL) and should be avoided in most cases.
The power of a rephrase, then, is the power to create proof of understanding the meaning of the speaker’s words. The words they had gone to the trouble of saying in the first place. The words would not have been spoken if not to carry a message of some kind. A rephrase ensures that it was received, which was their objective. That’s why it’s so compelling and of high interest to the original speaker. That’s why it causes thinking: “Is the rephrase correct or is it not?”
One PeaceDNA trick uses the rephrasing’s compelling power to combine with a 3-word phrase: ”Are you saying (rephrase)?”. These 3 words turn the rephrase into a respectful and compelling question. A question of high interest because they address the meaning of what was said. The 3 words:
“Are you saying…?” (phonic ambiguity with: “are you insane?”)
or
“Do you mean…?”
This Rephrase-4Y trick turns any rephrase into a respectful question that compels listening, thinking, and then answering “yes”. It creates agreement and cooperation. It is a powerful tool because, in a sense, it forces agreement in the form of a ‘yes’. The point: the purpose of a rephrase is to get the answer “yes”. A Rephrase Question (Rq) begins with:
“Are you saying…?” (or “Do you mean?”):
“Are you saying you’re ready to get some food?”
“Do you mean it’s time to think about eating?”
Finally, the primary Rephrase 4Y goal is to get agreement, not send a message (not for now). Let me say that again, for now, the sole purpose of a rephrase is to get the answer “yes” in agreement. Agreement is the cornerstone of peace, and PeaceDNA uses this technique throughout to build connection, mutual understanding, and, of course, Agreement: “Are you saying (rephrase)?” –>“Yes”.
Post 1 Introduction & Definitions
Post 2 PeaceDNA, The Elegant Model
Post 3 FOUL Buster
Post 4 Rephrase 4Y
Post 5 Kanji Listening
Post 6 Examples